blackwire
Thursday, February 15, 2007
FAITH
FAITH
I imagine myself standing up...turning round and round, looking and searching and for the first time in my life, I begin to realise - just a little bit - the entirety and enormity of it. Its dynamic vibrancy, its neverending twists and turns, its pulsating power. Such is life, life is such.
In everything, there must be faith. Any faith. Whether in God, in science, in philosophy, all humanity needs something from which to orientate their lives from, even if we're not aware of it. That is the basic requirement of human life.
There are many who would deny this thing called faith. That is often because the word has been caught up too much in the human institution called the Church, nay, religion. Faith, for want of a better explanation, is not something that should be confined to religion, rather we should define faith as a subscription to a certain form of ideology, whether it is a civic ideology like socialism, Marxism, liberalism or a religion like Buddhism, Christianity or Islam. In this light, everyone is encompassed under the wide umbrella that orientates human life.
I have been brought up to believe in the Christian faith. My morals, my values, indeed the way I orientate my life are heavily influenced by Christian morality and values. However, apart from Christianity, other forces also influence my life and make up my orientation and they are the present-day social and civil ideologies. In short, I am a product of the society that we know of today.
At the same time, our society did not just pop out, like an anomaly on the page of history. Every society is anchored in its historical consciousness. Whether we like it or not, we could all probably trace a long line of cause and effect leading back to eternity. Even that explanation is inadequate. "Eternity" is just a convenient term to use to orientate ourselves in relation with the many many long winters of human history.
Whatever it may be however, to those who recognise this, the study of history becomes a search for the "Primal Force", the "Prime Mover", the "Alpha". Theories like the "Big Bang", "Creationism", even the bizarre "We are the spawns of an alien race" have been forwarded to explain our presence here on this earth. Why do we this? Because there is so much we do not understand about the present, about our lives. We cannot explain, fully, why our lives are orientated this way. IF there was this line of cause and effect leading back to the "First Cause" and that has made us into the way we are today, then WHAT WAS THERE BEFORE THIS "FIRST CAUSE"? The term "cause and effect" itself suggests a reaction. So what was there before this first reaction. In essence, the "First Cause" is the answer to everything.
As opposed to this "First Cause", many would argue that it could all have been random chance that made us the way we are today. Random Chance that led to human beings evolving from something, I know not what. I cannot refute this argument. Except that it scares me too much to fully contemplate this, because it takes away all meaning to life. It is as if in one fell stroke, everything that has ever happened was worthless, meaningless. It is as if were the world to end today, it really wouldn't matter at all. That, I cannot accept. Because if I do, I might as well end my life here and now.
I imagine myself standing up...turning round and round, looking and searching and for the first time in my life, I begin to realise - just a little bit - the entirety and enormity of it. Its dynamic vibrancy, its neverending twists and turns, its pulsating power. Such is life, life is such.
In everything, there must be faith. Any faith. Whether in God, in science, in philosophy, all humanity needs something from which to orientate their lives from, even if we're not aware of it. That is the basic requirement of human life.
There are many who would deny this thing called faith. That is often because the word has been caught up too much in the human institution called the Church, nay, religion. Faith, for want of a better explanation, is not something that should be confined to religion, rather we should define faith as a subscription to a certain form of ideology, whether it is a civic ideology like socialism, Marxism, liberalism or a religion like Buddhism, Christianity or Islam. In this light, everyone is encompassed under the wide umbrella that orientates human life.
I have been brought up to believe in the Christian faith. My morals, my values, indeed the way I orientate my life are heavily influenced by Christian morality and values. However, apart from Christianity, other forces also influence my life and make up my orientation and they are the present-day social and civil ideologies. In short, I am a product of the society that we know of today.
At the same time, our society did not just pop out, like an anomaly on the page of history. Every society is anchored in its historical consciousness. Whether we like it or not, we could all probably trace a long line of cause and effect leading back to eternity. Even that explanation is inadequate. "Eternity" is just a convenient term to use to orientate ourselves in relation with the many many long winters of human history.
Whatever it may be however, to those who recognise this, the study of history becomes a search for the "Primal Force", the "Prime Mover", the "Alpha". Theories like the "Big Bang", "Creationism", even the bizarre "We are the spawns of an alien race" have been forwarded to explain our presence here on this earth. Why do we this? Because there is so much we do not understand about the present, about our lives. We cannot explain, fully, why our lives are orientated this way. IF there was this line of cause and effect leading back to the "First Cause" and that has made us into the way we are today, then WHAT WAS THERE BEFORE THIS "FIRST CAUSE"? The term "cause and effect" itself suggests a reaction. So what was there before this first reaction. In essence, the "First Cause" is the answer to everything.
As opposed to this "First Cause", many would argue that it could all have been random chance that made us the way we are today. Random Chance that led to human beings evolving from something, I know not what. I cannot refute this argument. Except that it scares me too much to fully contemplate this, because it takes away all meaning to life. It is as if in one fell stroke, everything that has ever happened was worthless, meaningless. It is as if were the world to end today, it really wouldn't matter at all. That, I cannot accept. Because if I do, I might as well end my life here and now.
On this most depressing of days
On This Most Depressing Of Days...
On this most depressing of days, I made a stranger laugh...and felt pretty good.
On this most depressing of days, I saw a whole array of balloons and flowers and nice little trinkets and I thought to myself, "what absolute commercial thrash"; and yet, I smiled.
OTMDOD, I bought Faith and Chris a heart-shaped balloon each...just for the heck of it.
OTMDOD, I had a German vocab test...and it was horrendous.
OTMDOD, my dislike for someone grew, and my appreciation of someone else also grew.
OTMDOD, I watched the "Last King Of Scotland"...and thought that it was an incredibly intense show...but that's about it. I mean nothing in it pretty much surprises me, nothing much in it really touched me.
OTMDOD, my frustrations grabbed hold of my heart, and refused to let go.
OTMDOD, I realise that I hate, HAte, HATE, HATE.
OTMDOD, I lost it. For the first time in my life, I went crazy while driving. The music was so loud, it felt like my heart was beating in line with the bass. I screamed and screamed, and sped wherever I could, took 90 degree turns at 60km/h and the others at an even faster speeds. I lost control of myself.
OTMDOD, I drove for 10 seconds without my spectacles.
OTMDOD, I had a death wish. I could picture myself releasing the seat belt and braking so hard that I flew through the windscreen. I could also picture my car skidding into SOMETHING on one of the turns I took, crashing, and me walking out with blood all over, SMILING.
OTMDOD, I couldn't care less any more.
OTMDOD, I realised that there was something inexplicably exhilarating about all that.
On this most depressing of days, I made a stranger laugh...and felt pretty good.
On this most depressing of days, I saw a whole array of balloons and flowers and nice little trinkets and I thought to myself, "what absolute commercial thrash"; and yet, I smiled.
OTMDOD, I bought Faith and Chris a heart-shaped balloon each...just for the heck of it.
OTMDOD, I had a German vocab test...and it was horrendous.
OTMDOD, my dislike for someone grew, and my appreciation of someone else also grew.
OTMDOD, I watched the "Last King Of Scotland"...and thought that it was an incredibly intense show...but that's about it. I mean nothing in it pretty much surprises me, nothing much in it really touched me.
OTMDOD, my frustrations grabbed hold of my heart, and refused to let go.
OTMDOD, I realise that I hate, HAte, HATE, HATE.
OTMDOD, I lost it. For the first time in my life, I went crazy while driving. The music was so loud, it felt like my heart was beating in line with the bass. I screamed and screamed, and sped wherever I could, took 90 degree turns at 60km/h and the others at an even faster speeds. I lost control of myself.
OTMDOD, I drove for 10 seconds without my spectacles.
OTMDOD, I had a death wish. I could picture myself releasing the seat belt and braking so hard that I flew through the windscreen. I could also picture my car skidding into SOMETHING on one of the turns I took, crashing, and me walking out with blood all over, SMILING.
OTMDOD, I couldn't care less any more.
OTMDOD, I realised that there was something inexplicably exhilarating about all that.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Volatility
Volatility
I don't rightly know why I'm feeling so angry right now. In fact, the whole day I was like a ticking bomb just waiting to explode. For some reason, a red mist has been colouring everything that I lay my eyes on.
Someone said today that we should all do "good", we should all do something good and valuable for humanity. She mentioned helping the poor, doing mission trips and stuff like that. These are the things that I've always said are worth doing, and felt like doing myself. And yet, I can't but help feeling fundamentally OPPOSED to what she said.
What IS "good"? I should think that there is some inherent and absolute conception of "goodness". Its generally held that murder is "bad", that rape is also "bad", that we should not unduly cause harm to another...and I do not dispute this. Far from it.
Yet, unfortunately - or in this case, fortunately - we rarely get into situations as clear-cut as those mentioned above (I'm making the assumption that they are clear-cut, although that may be easily disputed). One problem is when we try to "measure" "good"... If we say that we want to alleviate poverty, we must ask ourselves questions like; to what end? how do we define who's poor and who's not?
To begin with, I would hazard that it is impossible to totally eradicate poverty. There would always be a "class" (I'm not comfortable with this term) of people who are worse off materially than the rest of the society. In that case, our goals and aims are already limited. How then can we help them? By making them feel good? Feel loved? Why not a shot of cocaine every now and then then? They WOULD feel good. And we could just feeding it to them so that they'll NEVER feel bad. Or injecting them with some tranquilizers and then......well, get rid of them. They sure as hell wouldn't feel "bad". (Before I get totally and utterly slammed for this outrageous suggestion, let me say that I am TOTALLY against it. Its just an eg.) The whole point is that, feeling "good" is NOT a good way to measure or to qualify doing "good". In fact, it is a horrible , horrible way of qualifying things.
If we want to measure doing "good" by the do-er's intentions, then that is even more dodgy. Aside from the cliched "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", other more real things like abortion, euthanasia can all be argued to have good intentions. Yet, as much as we can understand the motivations in carrying out those acts, I can't help but feel that they are not quite "good" things.
Another person also mentioned something about being altruistic. I believe that there is no such thing as pure altruism. No matter whether it is to make oneself feel satisfied, or happy, there will be a certain degree of fulfilling some self-interests. As long as there are intentions, any action done in accordance intentions would be self-fulfilling already.
Not that this is a "bad" thing per se. Its just important that people realise this, and acknowledge the importance of doing things for themselves.
I don't rightly know why I'm feeling so angry right now. In fact, the whole day I was like a ticking bomb just waiting to explode. For some reason, a red mist has been colouring everything that I lay my eyes on.
Someone said today that we should all do "good", we should all do something good and valuable for humanity. She mentioned helping the poor, doing mission trips and stuff like that. These are the things that I've always said are worth doing, and felt like doing myself. And yet, I can't but help feeling fundamentally OPPOSED to what she said.
What IS "good"? I should think that there is some inherent and absolute conception of "goodness". Its generally held that murder is "bad", that rape is also "bad", that we should not unduly cause harm to another...and I do not dispute this. Far from it.
Yet, unfortunately - or in this case, fortunately - we rarely get into situations as clear-cut as those mentioned above (I'm making the assumption that they are clear-cut, although that may be easily disputed). One problem is when we try to "measure" "good"... If we say that we want to alleviate poverty, we must ask ourselves questions like; to what end? how do we define who's poor and who's not?
To begin with, I would hazard that it is impossible to totally eradicate poverty. There would always be a "class" (I'm not comfortable with this term) of people who are worse off materially than the rest of the society. In that case, our goals and aims are already limited. How then can we help them? By making them feel good? Feel loved? Why not a shot of cocaine every now and then then? They WOULD feel good. And we could just feeding it to them so that they'll NEVER feel bad. Or injecting them with some tranquilizers and then......well, get rid of them. They sure as hell wouldn't feel "bad". (Before I get totally and utterly slammed for this outrageous suggestion, let me say that I am TOTALLY against it. Its just an eg.) The whole point is that, feeling "good" is NOT a good way to measure or to qualify doing "good". In fact, it is a horrible , horrible way of qualifying things.
If we want to measure doing "good" by the do-er's intentions, then that is even more dodgy. Aside from the cliched "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", other more real things like abortion, euthanasia can all be argued to have good intentions. Yet, as much as we can understand the motivations in carrying out those acts, I can't help but feel that they are not quite "good" things.
Another person also mentioned something about being altruistic. I believe that there is no such thing as pure altruism. No matter whether it is to make oneself feel satisfied, or happy, there will be a certain degree of fulfilling some self-interests. As long as there are intentions, any action done in accordance intentions would be self-fulfilling already.
Not that this is a "bad" thing per se. Its just important that people realise this, and acknowledge the importance of doing things for themselves.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
iTunes
iTunes
Picked this up from Eisen's blog...
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie
Opening Credits: What Is And What Should Never Be / Led Zeppelin
Catch the wind, see us spin, sail away, leave today, way up high in the sky.
But the wind won't blow, you really shouldn't go, it only goes to show
That you will be mine, by takin' our time.
What It Means:
That's the way life is isn't it...Some things just are, and some things just should never be...And tough luck to you if those things aren't...
Waking Up: I'll Be Back / The Beatles
You know if you break my heart I'll go,
But I'll be back again,
'cause I told you once before goodbye,
But I came back again.
What It Means:
To LOVE...I'll Be Back, you fickle BITCH.
First Day At School: Toad / Cream
(Instrumental)
What It Means:
The title reminds me vividly of Philip Larkin's "Toads" and "Toads Revisited"...Quite aptly captures my attitude towards school (in the past) actually...Railing against the awful mechanical life that our society places each and everyone of us into, yet on the other hand unwilling to step out of my comfort zone and applying myself to something more worthy...(Disclaimer: the song puts me in a rather different mood, but the poem's wad comes to mind first)
Falling In Love: That's The Way / Led Zeppelin
That's the way... That's the way it oughtta be, oh don't you know now,
Mama said, mama said... that's the way it's gonna stay, yeah.
What It Means:
That's the way...Falling in Love isn't that complicated...or is it?
Fight Song: Everybody's Got Something To Hide (Except Me And My Monkey) / The Beatles
Everybody's got something to hide, except for me and my monkey
Your inside is out, and your outside is in
Your outside is in, and you inside is out
What It Means:
Sometimes, we fight not because we want something, but because we want to hide something.
Breaking Up: Till There Was You / The Beatles
There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
Till there was you
What It Means:
And even then, it wasn't enough...because I threw it all away.
Prom: Falling Away With You / Muse
promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same
What It Means:
Prom...ise to hold you close and pray...Well, truth is...I didn't now did I? What an arse I was...I had the world in my arms, and I spurned it all.
Life's Ok: I'm Just Happy To Dance With You / The Beatles
Just to dance with you
Is everything I need
Before this dance is through
I think I'll love you too
I'm so happy when you dance with me
What It Means:
If only...if only...then maybe Life WOULD be ok.
Mental Breakdown: The Hardest Part / Coldplay
Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and thats the hardest part
What It Means:
There are times when I look back, and I FEAR...Fear so much that sometimes, I think I might just DIE...Oh for there to be meaning to life.
Driving: Let It Out / Hoobastank
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
What It Means:
Gosh...If I'm like this when I drive... ... ...
Flashback: Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking / Snow Patrol
A clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away
(I could do most anything to you...)
Safe and sound
Safe and sound
What It Means:
And Long may it stay there...Hidden in a far away place, safe and sound, and unaffecting any part of my life. The scariest thing sometimes is to remember things long gone, and be reminded of the unrelenting passage of time...
Getting Back Together: Peggy Sue / Buddy Holly And The Crickets
I love you Peggy Sue - with a love so rare and true
oh Peggy - my Peggy Sue
well I love you gal - I want you Peggy Sue
What It Means:
If only, if only it were as simple as wanting...and loving...and eventually, getting...
Wedding: Don't Stop / Our Lady Peace
Don't stop sucking me in
Making me come back to you
No one will ever compare
Will ever be better than you
What It Means:
If she's the One, then let it be so. Let it be like this, a wholly intense union...for no one will ever be better than you...
Birth of Child: Drive-Thru / Tenacious D
Now if you could take a Coca-Cola, and just go half Coca-Cola, half Diet
Coke...'cuz I'm tryin to watch my figure...Tryin to loose some of the weight.
What It Means:
To the mother of my child...No matter how inane your requests are, or how weird they sound, I'll do them for you.
Final Battle: Girlfriend / Alicia Keys
I think I'm jealous of your girlfriend
Although she's just a girl that is your friend
I think I'm jealous of your girlfriend
She shares a special part of you
What It Means:
I'll forever have to tussle with my significant other's friends(girls) for her time and attention...God forbid, NO!
Death Song: Scar / Def Leppard
All that you are, no conscience
All you believe, no pride
All that you take, no reason
All that you leave, no right
All that you lose, no sorrow
All that you find, no shame
Can't take away the scar you left
What It Means:
I'm so going to leave a legacy behind man...Although it does seem to be a negative one.
Funeral Song: The Ballad Of John And Yoko / The Beatles
Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're gonna crucify me.
What It Means:
Except that, I'm already dead...My Wife will outlive me, but my dear, it'll be so difficult for you who are left behind, but know that I love you...
Ending Credits: Nothing / Stabbing Westward
I don't want it, I don't need it
I don't want it, I don't need it
I don't want it, I don't need it
I don't want it, I don't need it
What It Means:
And so it ends, at the end of the day, everything dissolves into Nothing...the Nothing that I don't want, the Nothing that I don't need...
Picked this up from Eisen's blog...
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie
Opening Credits: What Is And What Should Never Be / Led Zeppelin
Catch the wind, see us spin, sail away, leave today, way up high in the sky.
But the wind won't blow, you really shouldn't go, it only goes to show
That you will be mine, by takin' our time.
What It Means:
That's the way life is isn't it...Some things just are, and some things just should never be...And tough luck to you if those things aren't...
Waking Up: I'll Be Back / The Beatles
You know if you break my heart I'll go,
But I'll be back again,
'cause I told you once before goodbye,
But I came back again.
What It Means:
To LOVE...I'll Be Back, you fickle BITCH.
First Day At School: Toad / Cream
(Instrumental)
What It Means:
The title reminds me vividly of Philip Larkin's "Toads" and "Toads Revisited"...Quite aptly captures my attitude towards school (in the past) actually...Railing against the awful mechanical life that our society places each and everyone of us into, yet on the other hand unwilling to step out of my comfort zone and applying myself to something more worthy...(Disclaimer: the song puts me in a rather different mood, but the poem's wad comes to mind first)
Falling In Love: That's The Way / Led Zeppelin
That's the way... That's the way it oughtta be, oh don't you know now,
Mama said, mama said... that's the way it's gonna stay, yeah.
What It Means:
That's the way...Falling in Love isn't that complicated...or is it?
Fight Song: Everybody's Got Something To Hide (Except Me And My Monkey) / The Beatles
Everybody's got something to hide, except for me and my monkey
Your inside is out, and your outside is in
Your outside is in, and you inside is out
What It Means:
Sometimes, we fight not because we want something, but because we want to hide something.
Breaking Up: Till There Was You / The Beatles
There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
Till there was you
What It Means:
And even then, it wasn't enough...because I threw it all away.
Prom: Falling Away With You / Muse
promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same
What It Means:
Prom...ise to hold you close and pray...Well, truth is...I didn't now did I? What an arse I was...I had the world in my arms, and I spurned it all.
Life's Ok: I'm Just Happy To Dance With You / The Beatles
Just to dance with you
Is everything I need
Before this dance is through
I think I'll love you too
I'm so happy when you dance with me
What It Means:
If only...if only...then maybe Life WOULD be ok.
Mental Breakdown: The Hardest Part / Coldplay
Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and thats the hardest part
What It Means:
There are times when I look back, and I FEAR...Fear so much that sometimes, I think I might just DIE...Oh for there to be meaning to life.
Driving: Let It Out / Hoobastank
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
What It Means:
Gosh...If I'm like this when I drive... ... ...
Flashback: Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking / Snow Patrol
A clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away
(I could do most anything to you...)
Safe and sound
Safe and sound
What It Means:
And Long may it stay there...Hidden in a far away place, safe and sound, and unaffecting any part of my life. The scariest thing sometimes is to remember things long gone, and be reminded of the unrelenting passage of time...
Getting Back Together: Peggy Sue / Buddy Holly And The Crickets
I love you Peggy Sue - with a love so rare and true
oh Peggy - my Peggy Sue
well I love you gal - I want you Peggy Sue
What It Means:
If only, if only it were as simple as wanting...and loving...and eventually, getting...
Wedding: Don't Stop / Our Lady Peace
Don't stop sucking me in
Making me come back to you
No one will ever compare
Will ever be better than you
What It Means:
If she's the One, then let it be so. Let it be like this, a wholly intense union...for no one will ever be better than you...
Birth of Child: Drive-Thru / Tenacious D
Now if you could take a Coca-Cola, and just go half Coca-Cola, half Diet
Coke...'cuz I'm tryin to watch my figure...Tryin to loose some of the weight.
What It Means:
To the mother of my child...No matter how inane your requests are, or how weird they sound, I'll do them for you.
Final Battle: Girlfriend / Alicia Keys
I think I'm jealous of your girlfriend
Although she's just a girl that is your friend
I think I'm jealous of your girlfriend
She shares a special part of you
What It Means:
I'll forever have to tussle with my significant other's friends(girls) for her time and attention...God forbid, NO!
Death Song: Scar / Def Leppard
All that you are, no conscience
All you believe, no pride
All that you take, no reason
All that you leave, no right
All that you lose, no sorrow
All that you find, no shame
Can't take away the scar you left
What It Means:
I'm so going to leave a legacy behind man...Although it does seem to be a negative one.
Funeral Song: The Ballad Of John And Yoko / The Beatles
Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're gonna crucify me.
What It Means:
Except that, I'm already dead...My Wife will outlive me, but my dear, it'll be so difficult for you who are left behind, but know that I love you...
Ending Credits: Nothing / Stabbing Westward
I don't want it, I don't need it
I don't want it, I don't need it
I don't want it, I don't need it
I don't want it, I don't need it
What It Means:
And so it ends, at the end of the day, everything dissolves into Nothing...the Nothing that I don't want, the Nothing that I don't need...
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